Sometimes, you wonder why people is beyond forgiveness. Is it because of the painful hurting or the need for revenge rationalizes any logical thinking?
I need to ask you to do something for me.
Let it go. Forgive him.
I’ve forgiven him, so why can’t you?
I’ve stood by you for all these years, hold the umbrella for you under the pouring rain, walked thousands of miles to be there for you, so you wouldn’t feel so alone. And now I’m asking you to do this for me.
It’s time for me to collect my debt.
Let go of your grudges. I don’t have mine anymore.
And just stop talking about the past! The more you try to hurt him back, the more you’re hurting me.
Only i have the right to be angry, and i’m not anymore.
I’m just disappointed with you.
“Kau berendut lama-lama pon, kalau dah bukan takdir jodoh korang, memang takkan jadik jugak kan?”
Senah tenung lama-lama Akak depan muka Senah. Akak memang mulut macam takde filter. Apa yang dalam otak Akak mesti sampai ke telinga sampai buat berdesing taik-taik telinga orang lain. Abang Long pernah kejar Akak dengan parang Abah sebab Akak cakap perot Abang Long macam perempuan mengandung 9 bulan. Nasib baik Emak baling air basuh ikan dari atas rumah kat Abang Long. Kalau tak, mesti Akak dah kena kelar mulut.
Kali ini Akak cakap Manap pergi Pekan naik Vespa dengan Saodah. Akak cakap Saodah peluk pinggang Manap kuat-kuat. Akak cakap satu kampung nampak diaorang naik Vespa buruk Manap depan kedai kopi Wak Sleman.
Terjuih bibir Akak bercerita. Gigi depan Akak jarang-jarang buat air liur Akak tersembur-sembut kalau Akak bercerita dengan penuh semangat. Habis tikar depan Akak lencun dek air liur Akak.
Aku tutup telinga kuat-kuat. Suara Akak makin kuat, macam bunyi gramophone Pak Husin sebelah rumah. Makin kami suruh perlahankan, makin kuat orang tua itu besarkan bunyinya. Pak Husin baru kematian isteri. Arwah isteri Pak Husin, Mak Bedah, bekas Ratu Kebaya Kampung Daun Selasih tahun 1965. Dulu masa zaman anak dara Mak Bedah, ramai jejaka bujang dan tidak bujang berkampung depan rumah bapak Mak Bedah mencuba nasib meminang Mak Bedah. Tapi Pak Husin yang dapat.
Akak cubit aku sambil membebel-bebel lagi. Makin sakit hati aku dengan cerita Akak.
‘Siap kau Manap!’
There are things in the past that you want to forget. Things that made u sad. Things that made u cried. Things that made you remember how the pain was. Things that no matter how hard you try to forget, will linger mercilessly in your memory, etching to the very core of your soul.
Then there are things that you badly wanted to remember, so you’d have stories to tell your kids and perhaps grandchildren. Happy, encouraging and funny stories. You’d want to share it all, so at least you will be some sort of a legacy in your own generation.
But these things are what we are made of.
Memories. the whole package. What lies between them, underneath and over it. Our strength, our weaknesses, our heart and soul. If we throw away every single strand of our sad memories, then we are incapable of functioning as a whole. the equilibrium of the emotion will not be reached.
*sigh*
I think sometimes sad memories becomes the silent alarm in our heart. It keeps us alert of possible recurrent of bad-ending events, or the lesson we learned from it. agreed?
“Pick a song and sing a yellow nectarine
Take a bath, I’ll drink the water that you leave
If you should die before me ask if you can bring a friend
Pick a flower, hold your breath and drift away…[STP]”