Meredith (closing voiceover):
Did you say it? ‘I love you. I don’t ever want to live without you. You changed my life.’ Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in ’cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.”
*sob*
Reprise - Jan 22, 2005
The reality is that, we’re getting older. the new year brought more than commitment and realization, it brought along reality check that life does not care to stop even when you choose to be idle at the moment. At times i feel that i just don’t have the time to do everything and everything. To choose and prioritize would be a luxury that i don’t mind having.
And sometimes I’m smothered with the fast-paced life that i don’t quite remember the journey to that destination that i kept arriving at.
People have moved on. Like coreya said, i quote “we used to bring along our girlfriends/boyfriends to this place. then we brought our wive and husband. but now, we bring our children to this playground…” unquote.
And i for once was feeling a little bit claustrophobic of the fact that everybody and almost everybody had moved one. And i am still right there, lost and still looking for that place called sanctuary. I’m still holding on to that invisible hand that sometimes chose to let go, once in a while, but always in time to save me from drowning too long.
Maybe, just maybe i’m not ready to move on. But someday i might want to, and i hope time is ready to be kind to me, that time around.
“and when i took that deep breath, things do get to slow down. i think the second you stop fighting, time is really on your side and you can go on being who you are..”
-JD, Scrubs Season 4 Episode 12, My Orcadial Infraction-
*Added 2009 : Close to heart, but I’m almost there. Trust me, i’m almost there
i saw the most beautiful pelangi today. hujan panas, kalau kene badan mesti mandi terus, jika tak mesti pening2..
a week ago i was talking about pelangi. how badly i wanted to see one. i guess my prayer is being answered by HIM. thank you.. very, very much.
engkau tiba bagaikan pelangi
tak bercahaya namun kau berseri
tapi cukup menghiburkan hati ini
seharian waktu bersamamu
tak terasa saat yang berlalu
bagai pelangi petang kau kan pasti
pergi jua…
“Di belakang ialah sebenarnya rahsia,
Walau tabir depan nyata,
Betapa nyata sekalipun..”
[Ox, Dec 30, 2004]
Tempoh dua tahun aku sudah tamat. Dan aku semakin tepu. Semacam cacing kepanasan, aku mencari jalan keluar yang terbaik dan terpantas aku boleh ambil tanpa hilang hormat pada sesiapa pun nanti.
Ini bukan manifestasi omongan kosong yang sekadar untuk memenuhi hitungan masa ke jam 6 petang, tanda tamatnya tempoh kuli yang panjang.
Ikut hati, memang aku mahu terbang saja dari sini, tinggalkan semua yang menjengkelkan. Tapi ada janji yang masih belum tertunai.. dan aku hampir kehabisan masa.
*sigh*
Oh, ada satu pesanan.
Untuk yang suka bilang aku gila kuasa, terima kasih banyak-banyak.
May you get your balasan too. (Aku yang dulu akan sumpah kamu mati dalam eksiden. tapi itu aku yang dulu)